If you’re like me, sometimes you find it difficult to establish boundaries in your personal and professional lives. Now, I don’t mean that you or I are being inappropriate, but rather, that we might have trouble with establishing our role within a social system or that we find it difficult to say ‘no’ when someone in our life asks us to do something.
One of the most important foundations of setting appropriate boundaries is seeing boundaries as ‘limits.’ What do I mean by this? Well, think of your relationship with your significant other. In healthy relationships, boundaries can be loose and flexible. You likely ask your partner questions about their feelings, their views, their dreams and what makes them tick. You are inquisitive, emotional, and vulnerable. Within this space, you allow yourself emotional flexibility. This view is influenced by many factors such as personality, culture, how we are raised and other social characteristics.
Now, at work, how do you define your boundaries? What limits do you set for yourself and are there any external or internal issues that stand in your way? For example, you might notice that some people have trouble saying ‘no.’ This can be problematic, especially as we continue to work from home and the line between work and personal time gets blurred. We might find ourselves taking on more responsibility and becoming more agreeable than we might have been in-office. What do you think contributes to this? Some internal factors might include a desire to be a ‘people pleaser’ while others might see their taking on extra responsibilities as validating.
These forces might work out in the short run, but ultimately, they can lead to resentments, burn out and poor performance. Externally, some roadblocks to health boundaries can be unrealistic expectations, both personally and professionally, as well as a belief that work and productivity comes before all else.
So, what do we do when internal conflicts prevent us from setting appropriate boundaries with our friends, family and coworkers? First, we have to recognize that the issue is coming from within us! We ask ourselves if we feel the need to say ‘yes’ and explore this. Some people might test the reality and truth of this, while others might explore if this a theme in other areas of one’s life. We can assess our emotions and our ability to assert ourselves with others and begin to determine if we are comfortable speaking up to others for our own wellbeing.
When external factors are contributing to an inability to effectively set boundaries, it is important to engage in dialogue, seek to understand and create mutually agreed upon professional boundaries. This can foster more flexible boundaries. When dialogue is withheld, we tend to fester in our disappointment and become unwilling to defend our emotional and professional integrity.
Boundaries is a vast topic with many angles, so this is just a brief overview. We hope this helps you establish and foster meaningful and healthy boundaries at home and work.